October 11, 2009

• Adventures in Shopping

  Today, I had to go shopping. I don't mean the kind of shopping where I call up a posse of boyfriends and do some serious shopping~, I mean just the regular, around-the-house shopping. Subsistence shopping, if you will. The only reason I write about it this time is because I'm a misanthrope and enjoy torturing my readers. Also, it was rather harrowing.

  The first order of business was to visit Ye Olde General Shoppe. I needed a new rubbish bin. There was nothing particularly wrong with my old bin, but it was just so big. Since I recycle, thing only stuff that gets dumped in there is my food waste, and it tends to get stinky before it's even half-way full. That is why, in my Solomon-like wisdom, I decided to invest in a smaller rubbish bin. The purchase was easy; the transport was difficult. You see, after I bought it, I decided to get some lunch. Since there was no bag that could carry the bin, I was just carrying it as is. This is where I discovered a very interesting trait in human beings. No matter where it is, who it is near, how illogically set, people will throw their rubbish into the nearest rubbish bin. Since I was waiting in line with several people, this often meant my rubbish bin. Every time I set it down, some schmuck would drop their receipt, napkin, or straw wrapper into my brand new rubbish bin. After a while, I took to carrying it with me in my hand and not putting it down. When I finally got to my table, I set down my tray and bin then walked to the fountain to get a soda. When I got back to my table, there was more rubbish in my bin! Gah! Humans!

  My next stop was Ye Olde Foodstuffs Market. As before, the shopping was largely uneventful. The issue came when I was checking out. I was going through the self-checkout lane (as a bachelor, I can easily stretch less than twenty items out for a week) and just entering in one of my sweet potatoes. One of the employees actually came over and told me that it was a yam, not a sweet potato. She then proceeded to go into admin mode and fidget around to void the item then reenter it as a yam. Now, coming from somebody who knows the difference between yams and sweet potatoes, this was completely absurd. I stayed silent, however, in the hopes that yams would be cheaper, and she would've given me a discount. The two items were the exact same price. It took every fiber of my being not to say, "thank you ma'm for not only wasting my time but the time of others behind me simply because you do not know the difference between yams and sweet potatoes, you fat, arrogant cow." Fortunately, the thoughts remained in my head and I settled for punching her squarely in the stomach. People! Sheesh!

  

  • 2:11 pm
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