January 21, 2010

• Cooking with Jimbo X

  Welcome brothers and sisters to the house of our lord and saviour Jimbo. We are gathered here today to go over another blessed meal bestowed upon us from Jimbo above us. Now, if everyone will open their hymnals to the marked page. As you may recall, we left off last time with a warm dish of beef stew. Today, Jimbo is going to take us all on a trip to the orient with a divine serving of kadhai murghi. Hallelujah!

  As the great Jimbo always says, all things begin with the first step: acquiring ingredients
  At this point in the good word, Jimbo is moving more towards those foreign entities known as spices. For this meal, followers will need several. You will need 2 tsp of ground coriander, 1 tsp of cumin, and ½ tsp of tarragon. Alongside these spices, you will also need a tablespoon of corn starch, a bell pepper, a small onion, two carrots, three chili peppers, four garlic cloves, a pound of boneless, skinless chicken breasts, a tablespoon of lime juice, and some olive oil. Now, I understand this seems like a lot to the congregation before me, but the glorious Jimbo assures us all that it is for the best. Be sure to have these ingredients blessed by a Jimbo priest for additional holy power from them.

  Now brothers and sisters comes the second step: Preparing the ingredients
  It is written that we begin with mixing the spices. This means bringing together in a bowl the coriander, cumin, tarragon, and corn starch in a bowl and ensuring they are thoroughly mixed together, now. Put it aside when all is right and begin cutting up the ingredients. Cut up the chicken, peppers, and onion into the holy one-inch cubes dictated by our lord and saviour, Jimbo. Next are the carrots, which need to be cut into slices. The garlic, the holiest of holy ingredients, must be prepared with care. Chop it into thin slices and be sure to place it into its own sacred chalice.

  Now my brothers and sisters comes an important step in changing that chicken from the unclean mass of flesh that it is into the holy meal ingredient it should be. Place the cut chicken into a large plastic bag and pour in the spice mixture from earlier. Give the bag a good shake to make sure the demonic spirits are rattled loose and the spices completely cover the chicken pieces. You are now ready to move on to the next step.

  The time has come to light the sacred fire and cleanse the ingredients in its purifying flame.
  Place a large pot on the stove, turn to high heat, and add two tablespoons of oil. Once the oil has warmed up, throw in everything but the lime juice, garlic, and chicken. Cook, stir, and purify all of the veggies for four to six minutes until they start to brown and get soft. Once they have been cleansed by fire from all that is evil, remove them to a separate plate. The time has come now to add another tablespoon or so of oil and cook the chicken. Pour the garlic and the bird into the pot and cook for roughly five to seven minutes 'til there is no more pink in the middle. There may be times when the hot oil sizzles out of the pot and onto your arm as you are stirring. Just remember that this is a necessary pain and believe that you are braving it as well as the great Jimbo did in times past.

  Once the chicken is thoroughly heated, throw all of the ingredients back in, including the lime juice. Cook a little while longer, Jimbo is not very specific but thirty seconds would be a good guess, then remove from heat. You are now done and ready to partake of this fine meal that our glorious god Jimbo partook himself in the past.

  Amen!

  

  • 6:52 am
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