March 2, 2011

  • More Protests Rock the Smith Household

    by Jimbo
    Jimbo News Network – Foreign Affairs Correspondent

    Violent protests recently broke out within the Smith Family household, likely set off by the continued unrest in North Africa and the Middle East. Protestors are calling for better representation in government, improved food supplies, and fairer bedtimes. The current monarchs of the household, known by their subjects as Mom and Dad, are calling the protests “ridiculous” and that they are “just a phase” that will pass in a few days.

    The protests erupted early last night when Mom and Dad ordered their constituency to go to sleep against their wishes. Fueled by the protests observed on the evening news over dinner, the protestors declared their disgust at the obvious attempts of squashing their freedoms. They immediately began chanting anti-government slogans within the household common area.

    The monarchs acted immediately to counter the protests with peaceful reassurances, at first, then later followed by louder denunciations. Things turned violent after several hours of protesting. All of the protestors present were assaulted by government agents in what was later described as a “spanking”.

    The violence broke up the protests for the evening, but the resistance resumed early in the morning during attempts to return members to the government-endorsed education facility. Current reports are few and it does not appear that authority figures will be relinquishing any power in the near future.

March 1, 2011

  • McDonald's Burritos

    McDonald's has recently started selling some of their burgers in the form of tortilla-wrapped burritos. This seems like an odd concept from the start, as a burger doesn't fit properly into the common mold of a burrito structure. I was hesitant.

    However, a realization came to me the other day while standing before McDonald's glowing menu screen. These burritos, silly as they are, may solve a long-standing issue I have with fast-food burgers: mess. I have nothing but scorn for the grease and splooge that besmirches my fingers during mealtime. The burritos, being completely wrapped by a tortilla anti-mess shield, should be capable of containing the mess within and keeping my hands unsullied.

    Unfortunately, I was wrong. Far removed from the menu photo, the burrito shell was irreparably torn, allowing the innards to dribble out with each bite. It was also far too loosely wrapped, with it unfolding nearly as quickly as the foil wrap. The outside of the burrito itself felt like it was dipped in grease before being passed on. Look, I can understand a burger not looking like the menu picture, but how can you screw up a burrito? All you need to do is wrap it properly and it doesn't matter how the innards are scrambled.

    I suppose I could just stop eating at McDonald's, but that would silly. How else would I get my daily recommended allowance of salt?

February 28, 2011

  • A Critical Analysis of Race Relations Present in My Little Pony

    A Critical Analysis of Race Relations Present in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

    by Jimbo, B.S.

    The world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one filled with a large variety of creatures with their own lives, personalities, and world views. However, it is also one dominated by strict social classes and xenophobic ostracization of strangers based around a view of pony superiority. Members of several sentient yet non-pony species are relegated to a servile working class while the ponies remain firmly in power. Non-pony newcomers to Ponyville are considered something to fear and doors are shut before them.

    The Non-Pony Proletariat
    From the very first episode, we witness the servile child labor of the dragon species. The young dragon Spike is the servant of the upper class scholar Twilight Sparkle and is regularly mistreated and exploited. It is yet to be made clear whether he is paid with anything more than food and shelter, however his lack of personal possessions and lowly bedding arrangement points to the negative.

    Other dragons have been seen in Equestria outside of a servant role, however these others are full-grown dragons and quite capable of securing freedom for themselves. The ponies appear to fear their power and it is perhaps for this reason that dragons are secured into servitude during their childhood in an effort to condition their complacency. Child labor is well known to have detrimental effects on the child's mental development and education, and it may be the pony's hope to intentionally cripple them to avoid any threat to their power.

    Spike may be considered one of the fortunate ones. He is servile to a scholar and acts primarily as a scribe and messenger, allowing him to potentially educate himself. However, he is not above being forced into physically dangerous situations, such as his unwilling participation in a rodeo competition during episode thirteen.

    In episode four, cows make a brief appearance and are shown to be capable of speech and have an awareness of their surroundings. However, they are seen being roped and herded similar to other animals that apparently have no such awareness, such as rabbits.

    Based on their handling, it is clear that the ungulates are segregated from the pony community and any effort to escape is dealt with harshly. The reason for this separation is unclear. It could be an effort to contain a perceived threat of stampede or uprising, similar to the Japanese-American internment during World War II, or simply a strict cultural divide based on a view of racial inferiority, like Nazi Germany's Jewish ghettos. Whatever the reason, the cows are not seen from again, which may be a sign of firmer controls and security around their community.

    Antipathy Toward Strangers
    The ponies of Ponyville appear to be a xenophobic population. In episode nine, we are introduced to Zecora, a zebra who visits Ponyville from her home in the forest. From the moment she appears, the residents treat her with a mix of fear and suspicion. Shop doors close and pedestrians seek shelter indoors. She is forced to rummage for what she needs on the streets, only fueling further suspicions.

    Being a zebra, she is closer to the pony mold than other species like dragons and cattle (see fig. 1), which may partially explain the ponies' response. Aside from her fur pattern and manner of speaking, she is little different from them, but different enough to to foster inexplicable hesitation. She is grouped as a minority in the town. Where there is one, there may be many, and any majority group, the ponies in this case, who sees a threatening growth in a minority group tends to act with hostility.

    Like America's civil rights period, further alluded to by Zecora's African accent and home decor, this may come from a pony's feeling of superiority being shaken by a historical release of zebras from bondage. Considering the ponies' treatment of other creatures, it is not unseemly to assume a servile past for the zebras. With their release, the former masters maintain a fear of retaliation and hold a deep-seated grudge at the loss of a former key to their workforce.

    Conclusion
    Equestria is a world dominated by the ponies' sense of superiority, which results in differential treatment of lesser species. Non-ponies are either forced into servitude or ostracized from society. The monarchical government seems unwilling or unable to remedy this condition. If human history is any indication, the non-ponies of Equestria will need to rise up in protest if these conditions are to improve. Until then, the ponies will continue to firmly hold on to their power and smother any small attempts at resistance.

    “Applebuck Season.” My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The Hub. 5 November 2010.

    “Bridle Gossip.” My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The Hub. 10 December 2010.

    “Friendship is Magic – Part 1.” My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The Hub. 10 October 2010.

    Greenberg, Cheryl. “Black and Jewish Responses to Japanese Internment.” Journal of American Ethnic History. 14.2 (1995): 3-37

    Rene R. Rocha and Rodolfo Espino. “Racial Threat, Residential Segregation, and the Policy Attitudes of Anglos.” Political Research Quarterly. 62.2 (2009): 415-427

    Sudharshan Canagarajah and Helena Skyt Nielsen. “Child Labor in Africa: A Comparative Study.” Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science. 575 (2001): 71-91

February 27, 2011

  • Books That Everybody Should Read (pt. 2)



    Nineteen Eighty-Four     (1984) - George Orwell
    Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
    Genre: Dystopia (Fiction)
    I recommend both of these books for more or less the same reason: they represent the end of a slippery slope argument for both ends of America's political spectrum. On the right you have 1984, a world where national security takes higher precedence than privacy, and national pride is mandatory. On the left is Brave New World where science and government strength have made all people equally happy without care for morals of the past or one's individuality. Reading both of these, hopefully, would encourage people to look beyond political slippery slopes and at what's actually realistic.

    It's Not News, It's FARK – Drew Curtis
    Genre: Non-Fiction
    I realize that Fark is nothing more than a comedic news aggregation, but this book is more than that. The author sets out to expose some of the news media's subtle tricks to keep the public distracted and keep their ratings high. From spewing the same seasonal articles year after year to giving equal time to celebrities with opinions, this book nails them perfectly. You can never watch the news the same way again.

    Persepolis – Marjane Satrapi
    Genre: Graphic Novel
    This is just an amazing comic that is and is not about the Iranian Revolution. It doesn't go deep into the whys and hows of the mess; instead, it focuses on a little girl's life under a strict religious regime and what occurred when she was finally able to leave. The art style isn't complex, but then it doesn't need to be. It's a wonderful story that just makes you think.

    Money Secrets – Dave Barry
    Genre: Humour
    Dave Barry books are boss.

February 26, 2011

January 29, 2011

  • Books That Everybody Should Read (pt. 1)

    How to Lie With Statistics – Darrel Huff
    Genre: Non-Fiction
    This book is ancient, but it remains the best “question everything” book I have ever come across. It catalogues most every trick used to stretch data in the form of statistics. Not just that, but it strikes that careful, perfect balance of humour and intelligence that I can only dream of emulating. If I had just one wish, it would be that all grade school students were made to read this book at some point, if only to learn to question what they read.

    The Jungle – Upton Sinclair
    Genre: Social Commentary (Fiction)
    This book, more than any other, makes me question the calls for market deregulation from the government. While it’s mostly remembered for its unintentional exposé on the meat-packing industry, reading it will make you realize that it’s actually a call for socialism. While I can’t say I’m too fond of that message, it does make a person realize that, if not regulated, the business world will chew up and spit out the lowest common denominator in the name of the mighty dollar.

    Alamut – Vladimir Bartol
    Genre: Historical (Fiction)
    Alamut is a fictional account for the rise of the Islamic sect known as the Assassins. That’s dandy and all, but what’s really interesting about the story is how it basically explains how a new religious order is created. A charismatic leader decides to reach for power and does so by taking advantage of the malleable minds of those beneath him. It’s amazing and one of the most profound works of fiction I have ever read.

    The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
    Genre: Romance (Fiction)
    Let me start this paragraph by making my thoughts clear. This is my favourite book of all time (so far). It has the best implementations of time travel I have ever read. Instead of a rare gift, it is treated more like a dangerous genetic disease. This handicap of sorts is weaved into one of the best romances and should be read by everyone. Go. Now.

    Tag & Bink Were Here – Kevin Rubio, Lucas Marangon
    Genre: Comic (Fiction)
    I can guarantee that reading this comic will alter your ability to watch Star Wars for the rest of your days. Just about every significant event in the series is lampooned and directly connected with the hilarious titular characters. For example, the two guards distracted by Obi Wan on the death star, the two TIE pilots leading the Falcon to the Death Star, the two stormtroopers that shot C-3PO in Cloud City, and the two red guards asked to leave just before the Luke-Vader fight scene are the same two people. Other highlights include referring to Boba Fett as “Boo-Boo” and casting Jay and Silent Bob as two Old Republic jedis.

January 28, 2011

  • Don'tcha Snow?

    In order to appease my reader(s?) on the west coast, here are some pictures of snow from my balcony.
    Ooh~ Ahh~
    Granted, it already had a day to mostly melt away, but it's still pretty.




    To give this post some more substance, here are some ideas I have for names the news media can use for describing heavy snowstorms:
    • Snowpocalypse
    • Snowmageddon
    • The Snowcand Coming
    • Snowlocaust
    • Gensnowcide
    • Exsnowsion
    • Snowxis of Evil
    • Snowrectile Dysfunction
    • Snowtorious BIG

January 24, 2011

  • Gamer Chops

    In a bizarre twist, I actually had a request for content! Never one to pass up an opportunity to show off and stroke my own ego, I hastened to take some photos of my tiny apartment. Specifically, the wall space covered with gaming appartus.

    Full spread
    This is my primary spread. It is lovingly supported by only the wobbliest Ikea furniture money can buy.

    The DSes
    This is the crux of the request: my DS game collection. Some of the manliest highlights include Princess Debut, The Legendary Starfy, and Doki Doki Majo Shinpan.

    Current Gen
    To round things off, here is my collection of current generation games (with a sampling of Gamecube games to keep the shelves neat und tidy!).

January 22, 2011

  • A Letter to My Playstation 3

    Dear Playstation 3,

    I regret that I have to say this in writing, but I can no longer love you as I have in the past. I have found another. We had lots of great times together, but it's time for us to move on.

    The console I'm with now is the Xbox 360. I'll admit that she is somewhat high-maintenance. She asks for money if I want to play multiplayer, and most of her menu content is catered to squeeze money from gamers, but despite this she treats me better than you. Her interface is much smoother and the menus are more responsive and open quickly. She also doesn't require me to sit and wait for ten minutes after purchasing a new game while it installs to the hard drive.

    Let me just get it out in the open. The two of you have pretty much the same games. When a third-party developer releases a game, it's usually for both of you. That's not to say you don't have a solid selection of console specific games. I will always be there to help raise our LittleBigPlanets. But from now on, you will be nothing more than a mistress.

    I am sorry. Farewell my love,

    Jimbo

    Xbox 360 - heart

January 17, 2011

  • Alpha and Omega, a review

    "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last." - Revelation 22:13

    With these words in mind, Lions Gate embarked upon its latest effort to shove Pixar and Dreamworks out of the computer-animated movie spotlight. The reason I decided to watch and review this undertaking is because I, honestly, never heard of it. Since I consider it my duty, as a full grown adult, to review children's CG movies, I could not let this pass. A movie about two wolves from different social classes falling in love sounded absolutely adorable! How could they possibly go wrong? To answer that question, I present this movie as evidence.

    This movie revolves around two cubhood friends, Winslet and Bogart. In order to reunite two warring packs, Winslet is expected to marry the opposing family's top dog, as it were, Brooks. Before this can occur, Winslet and Bogart are sedated by some park rangers, dropped off in Idaho, and expected to repopulate a forest area, Noah's ark style. After some golf humour and French-bashing (seriously), they decide to head back north to their forest in Canada. It's a bit like The Incredible Journey, but with fifty times the horse crap. When they finally get back, the marriage is broken off, Winslet and Bogart get together, and Brooks gets together instead with the emo-haired Munster. There, that's the entire plot. Now you don't have to see the movie. (You're welcome)

    I must say, when I think children's movie, I think gender stereotypes. This movie was the strangest case of it. The she-wolf (wolfette?) is made out from the beginning as a fully trained special ops soldier, or an "alpha," as they're called. However, time after time, she is rescued from life-threatening situations by what amounts to a stand-up comedian, or "omega" (get it?). I guess I understand the whole chivalry aspect, but that just seems ridiculous. You never saw any of that silliness in WALL•E.

    I mentioned that this was a kid's movie, but I'm not too sure about that anymore. The amount of sexual innuendo is incredibly awkward, to say the least. I certainly felt dirtier than ever by the time the movie ended. I think Lions Gate tried to cover it up in a mask of kid-friendliness, but its primary audience was the abominable "furry" demographic. Maybe that's what the title means. It's encouraging viewers to go to confession. "Forgive me Father, for I feel dirty."

    For having unlikable characters, an overall sense of dirtiness, and just being bloody boring, Alpha and Omega gets a meager 3.5462001 / 10.23. The only reason it earned any points at all is because I like the idea of a comedian beating up a bear and dodging bullets. It rather gives me hope. Also, the emo-haired wolf looked unbelievably ho-GAH! No no no no no no no no! Out damned thought! Excuse me, I need to find a Catholic church. ("Forgive me Father…")


    Rawr, children's movie!