Also known as the excuse to get out of the house for a change and listen to some stand-up comedians for free... rally. It should be a fun Saturday. Good thing I live close enough to DC that I could probably see the entire rally from my bedroom window.

Mayor Jimbini: "What were we talking about again?"

by Jimbo
Jimbo News Network - Foreign Correspondent

In response to Castellammare di Stabia's recent plans to pass legislation banning miniskirts, Città di Pomodoro has announced its own counter by encouraging female visitors and citizens to wear miniskirts. "We feel that curbing a woman's right to show some leg will do nothing but hurt people's feelings of liberty," said Mayor Jimbini. Rather than fining women, the new bill will begin random rewards to women who wear short skirts or jeans well, similar to seat belt rewards in other countries.

Other civil employees are hailing the bill, claiming that it will be a boon for tourism in the small town. "We look at other popular tourist destinations like Rio de Janeiro and Cancún and wonder, 'why not us?'," Mayor Jimbini continues. "One word: skimpy clothing." Investors are already pouring money into the town's economy and drunk college students around the world are hailing this as a major victory.

There are some critics of the plan. This small group, which consists entirely of women in the legislature, denounces the bill for some reason or another, but nobody is paying much attention.

Jimbo is alone in his apartment with all of the doors and blinds shut. He has a sink full of dishes and all afternoon to do them. He begins the afternoon watching videos on YouTube. After every YouTube video, there is roughly a 50-50 chance he will decide to get out of his chair and clean the dishes. To a person standing outside of Jimbo's apartment, Jimbo will enter a quantum state of both doing the dishes and not doing the dishes after a few minutes pass for the first YouTube video to finish.

Can Jimbo use this as rationale for not bothering to do his dishes and not feel guilty about it? Explain.

Through the power vested in me by myself, I hereby declare today the 23rd annual 1023 Day. As all of you know, 1023 Day is a scared and holy day that vivifies all of humanity and brings honor to the humble 1023. It is a day to be celebrated by all not for any man's birth or any particular historic event, but for its sheer willingness to be 1023. Go forth, readers. Let it be known over hill and dell that 1023 Day has arrived, and there is no need to be afraid. All hail 1023!

(Oh, and happy birthday Weird Al!)

How different would the world be if Ash did not receive Pikachu as his starting Pokémon? The thought hit me yesterday morning and it has been nagging me throughout the day. Pikachu is nothing special in the games, so he owes his popularity solely to the anime.

Pikachu is essentially the emblem of the Pokémon empire. I think it is safe to assume that Pikachu's likeness has been posted on more objects than Jesus, or even The Beatles. But if the Pokémon series became popular and Ash received a different starter, would it be that one appearing on coffee mugs and lunch boxes the world over?

I had the most fun picturing Koffing in this role. Ash just left Oak's office with a somewhat rebellious Koffing hovering a metre behind him. Children would have Koffing-themed birthday parties. Lady geeks would cosplay as sexy Koffing. Internet polls would be swamped with fans declaring Koffing as their favorite. Nintendo would release all sorts of spin-off games based on Koffing. It's practically endless! Oh, and James would no longer have a Koffing. He would instead have a Pikachu who is vilified the world over as a symbol of disgust and excess.

It's odd, but profound.

Apparently, "Pokémon empire" is a proper noun. Microsoft Word has diplomatically recognized the ever-growing state of the Pokémon Empire.

I have a proposal to make to car companies. There is a new feature I would like to see in all future vehicles they roll out. I call it a driving simulator. It's not a game or anything particularly engrossing. It's just a feature that eases the stress of a slow commute.

Allow me to explain. Whenever traffic comes to a dead stop, either due to congestion, a long red light, or anything else, the driver would hit a button/switch that enters the vehicle into simulator mode. The car remains at a complete standstill, but it displays some sort of open road that the driver can pretend to drive along. He or she will continue to steer, accelerate, brake, and other necessary driving activities, but the car will remain stationary outside of the simulation. As soon as the car in front moves, simulation mode will safely switch off and return control to the actual driving.

I don't care much about traffic; it's just the stopping that infuriates me. If it was possible to make me feel like I'm getting somewhere, even while completely standing still, I can for once in my life get to my desk at work not in a seething fury.

My pumpkin for the year 2010. (last year)

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 - Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace is Sonic Team's latest feigned attempt to show gamers that they're not complete screw-ups and clear up their besmirched name. They listened to Sonic fans' cries of anguish from atop their money piles and gave nary a care. However, after glancing longingly at the frankly embarrassing amounts of money New Super Mario Bros. was earning, they decided it was time to give this "retro" experiment a try.

I will readily admit to belonging to the small and wretched breed that genuinely considered the classic Sonic games more fun than the classic Mario games. When I heard that Sonic Team was going to release a new game that paid homage to the classics, I kept my skeptic hat firmly in place but remained interested. Sadly, they decided to follow the path of New Super Mario Bros. instead of Megaman 9-10. In other words, they released a game that is like their classic games, only they control worse, the graphics awkwardly don't fit the gameplay, the new features are unnecessary and unwelcome, and they are generally less fun.

Mind, I'm not saying that Sonic 4 is completely unentertaining. I had a lot of fun playing it, even though I was regularly frustrated by some of the ridiculous crap you have to pull off (ah… just like the good ol' days). While I will be ripping harshly into the game after this paragraph, it was probably the only significant fun I've had with Sonic since his cameo in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Shortly after the now legendary cry of "SEGA!" hit my ears, I was fully immersed; but, nitpicks continually shot spitballs at me throughout the experience. First of all, Sonic is meant to be the fastest thing alive, so why does he accelerate at roughly the same rate as a deflated dirigible? Secondly, why in the heavens would you have Sonic uncurl when airborne? I lost count of how many times I dropped all of my rings after touching an enemy because I unfurled just as I was about to spin into it. Thirdly, I have nothing against the homing attack, but was using a line of enemies as a bridge the only use you could think of for it? I felt glad every time the little animals inside fell to their death after breaking them free. It was like I was teaching them a lesson for being so stupid.

My biggest gripe with the game was their choice of zones. They seemed Hell bent on porting each and every one of my most hated zones from the past: Casino Night Zone, Labyrinth Zone, and Metropolis Zone. Each one of them sends waves of disgust through my being and to have them thrown back at me was disappointing. There was no Chemical Plant Zone. No Hydrocity Zone. No Oil Ocean Zone. All of my favorites were supplanted in favor of all of my most hated. However, I will add that they did a good job with the Metropolis Zone doppelganger. It was oddly my favorite of the bag. It was a lot of fun.

Although the game was short, it was fun. I think if Sonic Team tried a little harder, it could've come out much better, but I do not regret the purchase. I just hope they don't follow George Lucas's pattern in Sonic the Hedgehog 4 - Episode 2 - Attack of the Cheesy Dialogue.

Oh, and when the hell are they going to release a game based on the Sonic comics and SatAM cartoon?

You have to feel sorry for the children of presidents. It's just hard to picture any of them having a normal childhood in the White House. Take poor Sasha and Malia. They have to sleep in one of those bedrooms that is basically a museum. It's hard to picture one of those ornate rooms with walls covered in posters of the Backstreet Boys or Menudo or whatever is poplar among teeny-boppers of this day and age. Let us not forget the constant media scrutiny the kids are subjected to. "This is Nick News and it's time for your headlines. Presidential daughter Natasha reports a preference to Jacob, while Malia is firmly entrenched with Team Edward. We will continue to report on this as details come in."

Do you think these two ever get in to rows like normal kids? "Moooooom, Malia's on my side of the limo again. Make her sto~op!" Do the parents (the president and first lady) ever get cross with them? Would the media report on this? "This just in: Michelle Obama spotted yelling at children for not putting on their seatbelts. Could this indicate President Obama's scheme to curtail American freedoms? More at eleven!"

At any rate, it'll be interesting to see how these kids grow up. Chelsea seemed to turn out okay... at least, until the statute of limitations passes on the arson case.