My map of influences for writing. (Click to see entire thing)

As the last season fades away in my rearview, it's time to dredge out another selection of series to follow as the year comes to a close. With only one returning series, hopefully the new IPs will pique my interest. Surprisingly, many of them have, but then force me to hang my head after a single episode. None of them are complete deal-breakers, but they do highlight a trend that greatly saddens me. Anyway, enough introduction, let us get started. As usual, I shall list the series I am following in order of preference:

Amagami SS
Genre: romance

This is how I envision my death.

In an amazing stroke of genius, this series decided to forsake the traditionally long-winded romances of others and split their series into six independent stories. Thus far, it has been awesome. We have seen the popular upperclassman, the childhood friend, the underclassman, and begun the cool-serious arc. I'm looking forward to see what the future holds. Watch this series.

Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt
Genre: children's comedy

Everybody saw Undercover Brother, right? Good.

It seems that Gainax has taken a good look at itself and decided that it did not want to follow in line with its fellow animation brethren. Rather than make an ecchi-comedy in the traditional Japanese anime style, they decided to do it in the style of traditional American children's cartoons. Like American cartoons, it deals with issues relevant to a child's life, such as eating too many sweets, one night stands, and battling giant turd monsters. Considering Gainax's already perfect understanding of America, this comes as no surprise. It's funny, stupid, and ridiculously embarrassing… and I wouldn't have it any other way. I was especially fond of the magical girl-like transformation sequence that did away with all pretenses and just had them change on a pair of stripper poles. It's that kind of honesty that makes Gainax awesome.

Yosuga no Sora
Genre: drama

I think I saw postures like this in Da Vinci's Last Supper. But maybe that's just me.

You can tell a series is going to be good when a male protagonist enters a town and already five eager women are lining up to have him check their oil level with his dipstick </euphemism>. It was actually surprising. This series probably has less subtlety than a hentai series (if, also, less skin, but only just). The only thing that's really turning me off is the blatant sibling complex, and how the sister of affection is a whiny little brat.

Ore no Imouto [etc.]
(The title is about three miles long, so forgive me for not wanting to type it entirely)
Genre: comedy / fanservice

The male character's expression precisely mimics my own.

(Holds head in hands). God dammit, Japan. What the hell? Just once, I would like to see an anime season where they do not release a series revolving around the otaku lifestyle. I seriously think there is a limit to "writing about what you know". It's getting tiresome. Anyway, this series is mostly functional, and I can at least relate to the cool, rational, seemingly indifferent male protagonist.

Fortune Arterial: Akai Yakusoku
Genre: romantic-comedy (probably)

World War II… The X-rated version (There's plenty of space in my Lebensraum~)

Oh snap! Vampires! So long as they aren't goofy-looking disco balls, that should make any series great, right? Well, maybe not. This generic series seemed to try extremely hard to make its first episode just slightly less entertaining than picking the gunk out of the cracks of your mouse. I don't understand. The first episode is supposed to be the hook that keeps you coming back for more, and all they give you is about two seconds of intrigue and some slight homo-eroticism. And let us not forget how one of the most vocal characters was given someone straight from the "nails on a chalkboard" school of voice acting. Nevertheless, I am interested to see what they do with this. They slipped up early, but I still think there's potential for them to set things right. 

Kami nomi zo Shiru Sekai
Genre: romantic-comedy

Don't cross the streams!

(Holds head in hands) God dammit, Japan. What the hell? Just once, I would like to see an anime season where they do not release a series revolving around the otaku lifestyle. I seriously think there… oh wait, I did this before. But maybe that's my point. I shouldn't need to! Here's another series that panders to its fanbase as though it was worried that any concept of originality would scare them away like cockroaches before the kitchen light. This time it revolves around some schmuck who's skilled at visual novels and arbitrarily has to use this skill to "capture" girls in his bizarre-o version of real life before his Battle Royale collar explodes.

During my first year as president, I will make it my number one priority to see to it that prostitution becomes legalized in the United States. For too long, this activity has been criminalized and it is time for that to stop. This activity will have many positive effects for America:

• It will create thousands of new jobs right here in America. Thousands of jobs will be made available to men and women from all walks of life. This will put more money into the economy and encourage further job growth in other sectors.
• It will bring jobs back to our country. For too long, the rich citizens would leave this country for services elsewhere, and this has to stop. Instead of outsourcing, we should be bringing these services back to American soil!
• It will reduce crime in hundreds of cities. These illegal prostitutes and small business entrepreneurs, or "pimps", will be able to register their services and become legal. Legalizing these illegal activities will instantly reduce crime.
• It will improve working conditions for America's hookers. By legalizing these services, it will be possible to regulate and pass standards that will ensure safe and fair treatment.

Join me in helping to pass this historic legislation! We shall put this ugly past behind us and move toward the future. Write your congressperson now and see to it that you express your support. I hope to pass this during my first year… though, I don't think I'll have time for much else afterwards. Oh yeah~

I know what a lot of you are thinking. "What's The Secret of Kells?" Well, if I told you, then it wouldn't be a secret, now would it? Bad jokes aside, this movie is an Irish animated children's tale of such astounding depth and profundity that the studio is sure to never release another film because not enough people paid to see this one.

The story is your standard children's movie affair. A boy of about ten from some suburb similar to, I dunno, yours is called upon an epic quest to acquire some MacGuffin. The main difference is that the gated community in this particular movie is situated in medieval Ireland and is about to be under siege by an army of marauding Norsemen. Everything hinges on the Book of Kells, a beautifully scripted collection of the four gospels. Fortunately, there is almost no direct mention of Christianity, and the whole film seems to spend a lot of time in Celtic pagan territory. The lead protagonist spends much of his time consorting with a wood fairy and playing Tron with a demon snake, presenting more evidence toward that belief system than anything written in the book he's writing. I digress…

The film's art style is what made me pay attention to the movie in the first place, and is still my favorite aspect. Almost the entire movie is presented in a "flat" style reminiscent of ye olde tapestries, before fancy-pants techniques like "perspective" had to go and ruin everything. Rather than blather on, I will just conclude this paragraph by saying it is very pretty.

I find myself in the awkward position of not having enough to complain about. I tend to reach for my old standby of a crappy ending, but I actually thought this film did a decent job of it. The follow-through is just the right length to not make me think, "gee golly willickers, that was sudden" or "gee golly willickers, could they drag that out any longer?" If I did have to complain (and, as a reviewer, I do), I would complain about the overarching plot's simplicity. It's the standard light versus dark affair. Honestly, this is a petty complaint. Such an issue could be levied against Star Wars. The movie was interesting and I enjoyed it from beginning to end.

I was rather depressed to hear that The Secret of Kells didn't win best animated feature. I am not holding back when I say it was far superiour to the actual winner, Up. It's fun, beautifully animated, has interesting characters, and it's an actual cartoon (none of that CG stuff). I give it a solid 10 / 10.23. I may refer to it as a children's movie, but it is certainly much more than that.

(Aislin is watching you masturbate)

I took another trip down to DC yesterday. It was a lot of fun, but as luck would have it, I decided to visit on the same day a bunch of loud people threw a rally about something-or-another. That meant I had to deal with a packed metro station on my way there and on my way back. Hooray! Anyway, my legs are still recovering from what my Pokéwalker says was a nineteen-thousand step day, so let me just put up a picture post. Enjoy DC!

This is what I picture whenever somebody says a person has "defined cheekbones". (Natural History Museum)

Thanks Smithsonian. I really needed to be reminded of my frequent dysentery deaths in Oregon Trail. (Natural History Museum)

Death by eagle attack must suck. (Natural History Museum)

(Scene: a guy walks in to a bar. The barman begins...)

What's going on?
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.
Heartache tonight?
I want to know what love is.
What is love?
Roundabout.
Let it be.
Help!
... Legs.
Legs?
"What is love?"
That ain't love!
I missed again.
I would do anything for love...
Fat bottomed girls?
...With a little help from my friends. Who's that lady?
Lola.
Hell on high heels!
Whole lotta love.
Lets get it on.
What's your name?
Mean Mr. Mustard.
What? A fool believes?
I got a name.
Gimme your money please.
Money?
Takin' care of business.
Just what I needed!
Bye bye, love.
Money for nothing.
Take it easy.
Goodbye stranger.
Come Monday.
I drink alone...

(This conversation was fun to write. I hope you all caught on to what was special about it. Bonus points if you can name the source of each, ahh, line of the conversation.)

Web is short for World Wide Web

Blog is short for Web Log

Vlog is short for Video Blog

I'm looking forward to the day when entire sentences can be reduced to a single word.
...Oh, wait.

SAVE LIVES, SLOW DOWN

I saw this sign above a flower arrangement on the side of the road near a crosswalk today. My knee-jerk reaction was, "that's sensible". However, the more I thought about it, the more bizarre it seemed.

There is no doubt driving slowly is safer for pedestrians. This is why people seldom push five miles-per-hour in a parking lot or school zone (clarification: other people). However, maintaining such speeds on regular roads is infeasible. Even 20 mph would cause some significant damage to a person if hit by a 2000 kilogram chunk of plastic and metal.

What they should recommend is not travelling at the speed that hit the person, or within a certain range near that speed. Think about it: If the person was hit by a car going 45 mph, then the sign should say SAVE LIVES, DRIVE OVER 55 OR UNDER 35. If the car was travelling at 55 mph, then it would've passed the person before he or she entered the crosswalk. If it was travelling at 35, the person would've crossed before the car reached the crosswalk.

They also shouldn't post such profound signs. I lost track of how many pedestrians I ran over while thinking about this.

I am a boring Xangan

I avoid controversy and conspiracy

I never request comments or rec's

I don't have kids or a significant other to post about

I don't have a mental, sexual, or eating disorder

I never threaten to kill myself or hurt myself

I don't use over-sexualized profile photos

I never write about Xanga (except this once)

I never make posts consisting only of pictures I found on the Internet

I generally avoid swearing and harsh language

I never use flashy font colors or effects

I never seek Xanga's frontpage

I almost never mention other Xangans

I never write or read poetry

I never ask questions at the end of my posts

Do I?

Arr, gather round me hearties. While there be no ships in sight fer plunderin', I thought I would talk a spell about th' Good Book. Oy! Get back here yeh sorry sods, or I be havin' yeh scourin' the decks with yer teeth. And don't be thinkin' it below me to throw th' ol' offal barrels all over jus' when yeh be thinkin' yeh be done.

Hmph, anyway, I actually read through the bloodline of that landlubber Jesus in Matthyeh and be finding it odder than Three-Fingered Ted's ramblin's that only five lasses be named. There be, o' course, Jesus's ol' mum, the virgin herself. Quit yer grinning, Matty. I got me own questions about tha' little claim, ha ha harr. Goin' a bit furth'r back, we be seeing Uriah's old wench, Bathshebeh. Now there be a fun tale teh be tellin' in th' quarterdeck. Th' right ol' king decides that he be fancyin' this lass and goes and gets 'er husband killed in a bloo'y battle. Truly a man after me own heart, am I right, me hearties? Next thar be Ruth, who went an' had an entire book claimed 'neath 'er flag. This scurvy-addled wench went an' married some relative o' her father-in-law. I dun' even wanna think about what that did to th' family tree.

Right there on the same line, thar be that fine harlot, Rahab. Now thar be a char'cter from The Book I be takin' a fancy t' seein'. Jus' thinkin' 'bout it makes me be wishin' t' get back t' Tortuga an' th' fine collection a' lasses o' th' night that be gatherin' round thar. Lastly be Tamar, who mi' jus' be as interestin' as Rahab. She ain't bein' no real harlot, she just acted like one to be getting' a kid and what have yeh. I don' quite understand why all these wenches have some need to be getting' together with their in-laws. I been married near six times, and hold no good tidin's to those sods. Granted, I don't really remember all o' me marriages, but maybe that be for the better.

Arr, anyway, quite the motley crew of wenches, if I be sayin' so me-self. One of 'em got shacked up with 'er husband's killa. Another dresses as a harlot (not too shabby a plan, am I right, lads?) jus' teh have a kid. The next actually be a full-blooded harlot. Another be havin' a genealogy with more twists and turns than what be comin' outta Dirk after a night'a grog. The las' one, I think, be basically coverin' up marital infidelity, which be always good for me, bu' bad for the husband.

Eh, anyway, it looks like Willy up in th' crow's nest be yellin' somethin'. I jus' thought it be interestin' t' think about. Now, get teh yer stations, yeh seadogs. We got us a sea t' conquer! A-ha-harrr~