Scott Pilgrim vs The World is the greatest work of human cinematography of all time.

Of all time.

I have decided to embark on an epic quest. Well, it's not really epic, nor is it really a quest. It's more of a calling. I will spend the remainder of my freetime playing and beating every single one of my PS2 games. I have my reasons for doing this, of course. Looking through my library, I realize many of them I never actually got around to completing. Also, some of those I did beat were so much fun that I want to experience them again.

There are going to be some rules to this endeavour. I will only be playing the games that actually have a story campaign. That means games like Amplitude and CoolBoarders are out. Also, I will ONLY play through the story. I will not be striving for 100%. That would just take obscenely long.

It should be fun, but I'm quite sure I will regret the decision when I get to certain games (Final Fantasy X, Xenosaga, Save the Homeland, &c.) In all, though, it should be fun.

Here is the list. Entries in red will not be played during this run, and entries in green are games I never finished. I will be updating it as I work my way through:

Amplitude
Bully
CoolBoarders 2001
Dark Cloud
Dark Cloud 2
Deux Ex: The Conspiracy
Driv3r
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
The Godfather
God of War
Grand Theft Auto III
Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories
Gran Turismo 3 A-Spec
Guitar Hero II
Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland
Ico
Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy
Jak II
Jak 3
Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil
Max Payne
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Metropolismania 2
Namcomuseum
Okami
Red Faction II
Resident Evil 4
Romance of the Three Kingdoms VIII
Shinobi
Sly Cooper and the Thievius Racoonus
Sonic Heroes
Sonic Riders
Soul Calibur II
Spider-Man
Star Wars: Bounty Hunter
Star Wars: Starfighter
Stuntman
Way of the Samurai
Xenosaga
XIII

Current Game: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories

It was recently brought to my attention that an unacceptable amount of my manga collection consisted of "erotic manga". This is, of course, absurd. A single glance at my manga collection clearly shows that only a paltry 90% of it consists of ero manga.

(Click image for full size)

Now that the gods have finally seen fit to grace my local RedBox with a copy of this movie, I feel it is my moral obligation as an atheist to review a movie that's all about killing gods. Thankfully, the fates have rewarded my procrastination, because I certainly would not've spent more than a dollar-five on this hour-and-a-half pile of mediocre bits on a DVD. I realize that it's supposed to be some sort of "reimagining" of the 70s movie of the same name, but it seems like they didn't even try to improve upon it.

Clash of the Titans revolves around a demigod, Jake Sully, who is one of the innumerable horde of Zeus' bastard children. He is raised by a peasant fisherman, who gets killed by a second velociraptor he didn't notice, and swears eternal hatred to the gods. He then goes on an epic quest, to the tune of various musical scores you may remember from Lord of the Rings, with a band of merry men, who all die. The movie then ends with the lead character hooking up with his immortal lady-friend. Really, that's the whole story. As I was watching the movie, I tried to rationalize away this short-coming by saying it's an action movie, but I realized by the finale that that excuse didn't hold water. Save for maybe three scenes, most of the movie was just faffing about while talking in gritty voices.

Also, there needs to be a call for capital punishment against the casting director. I love Liam Neeson, I really do. He would've made for a great Poseidon or Hades, but you do not cast him as Zeus. The only King of the Gods I will accept is Morgan Freeman. No exceptions.

I'm sure many of us look upon the effects of the ancient Clash of the Titans as something of a joke, but I kinda felt the same way about this new version. Maybe I'm just spoiled by the likes of Avatar, The Matrix, and the works of Dreamworks and Pixar, but the CG effects of this movie looked tacky and a bit silly at times. Don't try to pass it off as a nod to nostalgia. They just didn't even bother trying.

The only good thing it had going for it was the central premise. Humanity is pissed at the gods for all the crappy things that happen to them and decide that the most sensible thing to do is kill the gods. Right on! The only problem is they completely screw it up. By the movie's end, not a single god is killed; spoiler alert. I just hope they don't mess up for the sequel: Clash of the Titans 2 - The Rise of YHWH.

I realize I did say a lot of nasty things about the film, but let me just clarify that it is not "bad". It's just generic. It was a good way to spend an evening stretched out on the couch, but I certainly wouldn't recommend spending more than a buck or two to watch it. It gets an oddly well-rounded score of 7.19 / 10.23.

Oh, and while I'm at it, why did the rating banner claim "brief sensuality"? There wasn't any! I was thoroughly dissatisfied with this false advertising. Sheesh, guess I'll just have to find my Medusa pornography on the Internet.

It is hard to believe that another Otakon has come and gone. I have to wait another whole year before I can drop ludicrous amounts of money on crap I don't need relating to one of my favorite hobbies. Depressing. It was fun, though. There were some delightful Misty cosplayers to ogle and some less wholesome male Misty's that made me wish for an eye wash station. There was also much fun to be had in the gaming room and entertaining moments, like when a group of attendees started playing in the fountain and the cosplaying con secret service was called in. Well, it's time to reminisce about one day ago and post some pictures I took during the convention. Without further ado...

DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY
72 HOURS REMAIN

Dare I say that I'm holding my own against two professional assassins? (Assassin's Creed series)

Keeping the peace and taking names. (Ax Cop)

Now you're thinking with portals! (Portal)

She even has an air force base named after her… sort of. (Evangelion)
Continue reading →

Dear Senator,

I don't often write letters, but there is a very damaging issue in my mind that has not been rectified. I think it is time to pass legislation for regulation on names parents can give to their children. While I can list several examples, I can think of nothing worse than the Hertz family naming their child Richard. This is especially true for us Missourians from Holden. Embarrassing names can lead to childhood bullying and even PTSD in the adult years.

We need this regulation now. Children and adults out there are suffering, and we should not allow this to continue for future generations.

Sincerely,
Dick Hertz from Holden

Ugh, time is passing much too quickly. It's time for another anime season and it seems to be a doozy this round. There are lots of series coming out and I'm quite sure I'll be chastised for that fact that I will be ignoring most of them. Mitsudomoe, High School of the Dead, Sekirei 2, and the glut of others are being summarily ignored by me due largely to complete indifference and my growing remorse over what passes for anime nowadays. What follows is a list of series that I dubbed worthy to watch for the season, but I may regret it as time goes on (and I may cast my eyes longingly at the "don't care" list shortly). At least Bakemonogatari finally aired its final episode, and it was good. As usual, they are listed in order of enjoyment.

Kaichou-wa Maid-sama
Genre: romantic-comedy

I'm not one to "squee", but... SQUEEEEEEEThe best series from last season returns with the second half. It's funny, has a great cast of characters, and, most important of all, it's entertaining. Try not to screw it up.

Amagami SS
Genre: romance

Sing along! No one knows what it's like to be the bad man~ To be the sad man~For a series with SS in the title, this one is quite adorable. It appears to be a straight romance that I just fawn over. It also has an interesting premise that I hope to see become a success. Each of the girls in this "harem" will be given her own story arc, as if it was a proper visual novel. Maybe if it works out, more visual novel adaptations can take this route. I'm looking forward to it.

Seitokai Yakuindomo
Genre: comedy

Brr, I'm having flashbacks to that one, certain Inukami ED.I'm having mixed feelings about this series. It appears to be a satire of visual novels in a school that has recently become co-ed. In a bizarre twist (for which I am grateful) the lead character isn't out to acquire large amounts of a certain orange-flavored beverage, and is instead enlisted, Haruhi-style, into the student council. What follows is a comedy… of sorts. I can see all the times it tries to be funny, but I have yet to actually laugh or even crack a smile. I can hardly sit through an entire episode without getting up to do some dishes or take out the trash. It is so banal that I would actually prefer to get up and do some chores. It's not bad (it does earn its place in the middle of the list), but it certainly doesn't blow my mind either.

Ookami-san to Shichinin no Nakamatachi
Genre:  un-funny comedy

What do you mean "fisting pussy" is a double entendre? I was amazed at just how generic this anime presented itself. It's almost as if they didn't even try. Every character is basically a carbon copy of another anime's character. The narrator explains the most obvious of details. The quiet, "average" male confesses to the attractive, long-haired lady character. There are frequent breaks in the dialogue to comment on the protagonist's small bosom size. Uncharacteristically, however, the pace is unnaturally fast, with the kokuhaku and the onsen scene occurring within the first episode. Hopefully, this pace will carry on throughout so it can finish in half as many episodes and spare me from another awful, drawn-out series.

Asobi ni Iku yo
Genre: ecchi

This is totally going to be my wallpaper at workOkay Japan, it really isn't funny anymore. Just how many more anime will you need to sacrifice for the sake of sex jokes and tits? You took what would otherwise be another generic and boring sci-fi action series and tried to "spice it up" with a nekomimi alien in a goofy-looking Evangelion swimsuit. I put that phrase in quotes because it does no such thing. It's a boring series that does nothing that hasn't been seen many, many, many times before. If it doesn't reform soon, I'm liable to just drop it. There are plenty of other series on the sidelines waiting to be called on (if only for the chance of disappointing me as well).

I remember many, many moons ago finding a box of Hanukah cookies at the grocery store shaped like little dradels and Stars of David. I also remember posting about it and declaring it one of the coolest things ever for sale at Ye Olde Grocery Store. In a recent food run, I think I found a new contender for the title.

Apple & Eve brand apple juice. I tell you, whenever I go out to buy a bottle of apple juice, Original Sin is not one of the first things to come to mind. Fortunately, that situation is rectified with this ode to Eve's temptation. "Apple & Eve". Really, what else can they be alluding to? It made me smile so big that I just had to buy it. No regrets. It's ORIGINAL SINFULLY DELICIOUS!™

Why is evil always made out to be some kind of negative trait? Whenever there is a movie with a diabolical protagonist, there is always some attempt to "fix" his ways and turn him good. They did it with the Grinch, and now they did it again with Despicable Me.

The first few moments of the film were absolutely great. The main character, who was named after the sound my stomach was making since I got the showtime that bisected dinner, Gru, was a schadenfreude prick that left destruction and despair everywhere he went. I thought, "finally, a character I can relate to." I was ready to sit back and enjoy watching him strut about while brushing aside the filthy proletariat with one hand and building a doomsday device the size of a Monopoly cannon with the other for the remaining hour and some minutes. Unfortunately, some corporate bigwigs thought that misanthropy was a negative trait, had him adopt three adorable little female spores, and get all mushy and caring. Crap!

I would be lying if I said I didn't expect this. I went in to the movie hoping to see the personalities of the characters bounce off of each other in hilarious ways, and in an alternate universe where the sky is orange and Google spelled its company name properly I would've gotten my wish. Instead, I got a movie that was rather boring with only two moments that stick out in my mind as being genuinely funny. I was especially moved by a joke about Lehman Brothers. The kid sitting behind me actually had to shush my laughing. I was the only one.

To be honest, this is the first movie where I'm having a hard time pinpointing exactly what made it boring. Maybe it was the main character's voice? I suppose after having my ears lovingly caressed by Niko Bellic's svelte Eastern European accent, any attempt by Steve Carrell would be like a Texan trying to impersonate James Bond.

The characters also did little for me. The movie, for some bizarre reason, decided to get a bunch of potentially enjoyable characters together, but not bother to flesh them out at all. Aside from the Gru of the first ten minutes, I connected to none of the characters. This is a bad move when the story (or, specifically, lack thereof) revolves entirely around them.

I also hated (best read in all caps with three or four exclamation points) the little potato minions that the advertisements used about as shamelessly as they used Jessica Simpson for the Dukes of Hazzard remake. The movie just spent too much time with them. This was time that could've been better spent with, y'know, the actual characters that mattered. Focusing on those little cheese puffs is like taking The Three Stooges and focusing on their rugged handsomeness. It just isn't entertaining and subtracts from the whole.

To sum things up: I don't care how much 3D you throw at something, it does not instantly make a great movie. You have to actually earn that. Overall the movie gets a mere 6.22753 / 10.23. Let's try harder, okay?

I saw something interesting at CNN not too long ago. It's a poll that states 1 in 4 Americans don't know what country America declared its independence from. Amongst 18-29 year-olds, only 60% got it right. Now, this is fairly depressing by itself, but what made it sadder was the plethora of ridiculous comments from readers. They tried to extrapolate all sorts of crazy assertions from this measly batch of sensationalist statistics. Blame was thrown every which way: Democrats, Republicans, teachers, the moral decay of society, &c. It was bizarre!

After reading those numbers, I thought, "that sucks", but I knew that it gave evidence to nothing specific. The statistics were, to put it bluntly, largely worthless. I suppose it does point out that there is a problem somewhere, but it acts more like a "check engine" light than anything else. It tells you there is a problem, but cannot be tied, in any way, to prove that a specific thing is to blame.

I would also like to point out that this was a college poll, presumably taken on a college campus. College campuses are one of the most diverse plots of land anywhere, so it is not safe to assume that all those polled are US citizens or even in the US for very long. Also, most college students are complete pricks, so it's entirely possible many of the younger subjects were just jerking the pollster's chain.

In short: Remember kids, question everything! Especially statistics!